PANDA Week 2020 - Karen's PND story
As part of PANDA Week 2020, we wanted to bring awareness to the importance of postpartum care - for both mums and dads. Having a baby is such a special time but it can also be a time of very steep learning curves, very little sleep and sometimes, dark clouds that don’t seem to clear.
Life with a new baby can feel isolating so it’s important to know that we’re not alone. With this in mind, we thought we’d take the opportunity to share our lovely Viva Life owner, Karen’s own journey with becoming a mother, too. Two beautiful baby boys but two very different experiences.
What is PANDA Week 2020?
PANDA is a national organisation supporting individuals and families affected by perinatal anxiety and depression and postnatal psychosis. The aim of PANDA Week is to raise awareness about perinatal anxiety and depression, including signs to look for and where to go to seek support. Their work has never been more important as families navigate the challenges of pregnancy and postpartum during the COVID-19 pandemic.
This year’s theme is “Tell Someone Who Cares.” From a trusted friend or family member, to a specialist on the PANDA Hotline, it’s important that new parents know that there is someone they can talk to about what they’re going through.
Perinatal Anxiety and Depression Awareness
The word ‘perinatal’ refers to the time before and after birth of a child, and it’s important to know that being pregnant or becoming a new parent can be both exciting and challenging. If adjusting to impending parenthood or the arrival of a new baby feels difficult at times, this is natural. It’s also common to be a little ‘teary’, anxious or irritable for a few days in the weeks after the birth. This is often referred to as the ‘baby blues’ and is to be expected. However, a persistent low mood or feelings of anxiousness can be cause for concern. If these feelings stop an expecting or new parent from functioning normally for more than two weeks, they may be experiencing perinatal anxiety or depression.
Jo White is a qualified social worker who has many years’ experience working in healthcare, supporting expecting and new parents. “Having a baby is life-changing and it’s not uncommon for some parents to find it difficult adjusting to the challenges of parenting,” she says.
Jo White, Social Worker
Risk factors making some women and men more vulnerable to antenatal anxiety and depression include:
Prior history of mental illness
Lack of support (includes partner, family and broader social support)*
Past abuse or trauma
Unplanned pregnancy*
Stressful events*
Past conception issues or losses
Pregnancy complications*
Absence of your own parents*
Pre-existing physical illness
(*) Karen’s story includes these.
Across Australia 100,000 families will be impacted every year, with 1 in 5 mums and 1 in 10 dads experiencing perinatal anxiety and/or depression, with non-birth parents experiencing similar rates. Up to 1 in 3 mums experience the birth of their baby as traumatic. And while so much focus is put on the baby’s wellbeing, it’s important to remember that the parents’ wellbeing matters, too. “Taking care of yourself is the first step in taking care of your baby. Your social and emotional wellbeing is so important,” Jo says.
Sometimes a new mum or dad may not have the support network they need. In those cases, Jo says, “Connecting within your community can provide a valuable social network during a time when many feel isolated and alone.” And if even this feels too difficult, the PANDA National Hotline has trained and caring counsellors available to talk through struggles and feelings confidentially.
PANDA’s National Perinatal Mental Health Helpline
1300 726 306 9am – 7.30pm Mon – Sat(AEST/AEDT)
Karen’s Story
I struggled with postnatal depression with my first baby boy and I wish I knew the signs earlier so I could have received the right help and enjoyed those early months of motherhood. I was only 21 years old with a tiny baby and no family support as I was living interstate.
My son's dad was in the army and his career took us to Darwin. After a couple of years living in the hot, humid Top End, and working as a flight attendant, we fell pregnant with our beautiful baby boy, Tyler. He was a sweet surprise, but it took some time to adjust to the news that I was going to have a baby. At that time, I was just 20 years old. I was petrified at what that meant my life might look like, but I soon started to get excited as I heard my baby's heartbeat and could start to see the cute little hands and feet in the scans.
I booked in with the top Obstetrician in Darwin and enjoyed my pregnancy guidance in his care. I read “What to expect when you’re expecting” front to back, in the hope that it would prepare me for the unknown.
At my 39 week check up, my OB said I had preeclampsia and that I was going to be induced first thing the following morning. I went into a whirlwind of emotions, excitement, nervousness, uncertainty, doubt, you name it.
My induction began first thing in the morning and we barely saw my OB as I laboured during the day. I had a midwife I’d never met before that was a grumpy and rude lady who was probably overdue to retire. The day was long. My body wasn’t truly ready to birth my baby yet so oxytocin (a synthetic hormone) was given to me in a drip. I had an epidural as the contractions were so strong and painful, and then, finally, my boy was born at 9pm 15th May, weighing 4.1kg.
It really hit home in that magical moment holding him in my arms for the first time. I was glowing, I was so happy and smitten and high on life. I did it, I birthed my first child.
We had visitors the next day and I just wanted to show off my baby boy to everyone, not listening to the fact that my body was exhausted and all I should have been doing was catching up on rest.
Then the next few nights came around…
I was in the hospital with a screaming baby that I wasn’t able to feed. My milk came in four days after birth and my breasts became engorged. I was in a world of pain from birth and now faced the challenges of breastfeeding.
No matter how much I had read, nothing prepared me for breastfeeding.
I saw a lactation consultant in the hospital, who wasn’t the most sympathetic lady and told me I had to just relax and that I ‘simply had a difficult baby.’ At this point, I just broke down in tears. Not only was this all completely foreign to me, I was surrounded by people that weren’t supporting my emotional needs. They could have been a bit more empathetic to a first time mum’s mindset.
I had heard of the baby blues and tried to tell myself that is why I was so sad.
Day 7 I was discharged and sent home with our baby. I was lucky enough to have my mum fly up and stay with us for two weeks to help adjust to life as a mum with a newborn. This was just what I needed, to have my mum give me a big hug and tell me it's ok. Breastfeeding was excruciating but I stuck at it. I decided to express my milk so my partner could help with night feeds so I could get longer than two hours of sleep at a time.
Two weeks flew by, and the visitors stopped coming. My mum had to fly home to Melbourne, my partner had to go back to work and then it was just me and this little baby. Like many other mums at this stage, I had no idea how I was going to cope on my own during the days and couldn’t wait for my partner to get home to help with bub.
Just weeks later, my partner came home one day after work and told me he was going away with the army for two months, leaving that week.
I was beside myself. Not only was I feeling the full extent of the baby blues, I was exhausted and felt broken with sleep deprivation. The days felt long. I loved my baby boy but I wasn’t enjoying motherhood. I had never felt so alone in my life. When he would cry at night, all I could do is cry beside him.
I tried to stay strong, I tried to be like all the other mums that I saw smiling in public, until the days became dark and I couldn’t cope like this any longer.
I reached out to my local GP and asked for help. I had never heard of postnatal depression, nor did I know the signs. I looked back at the past few weeks and gave myself acknowledgement that it had been tough. That week, I booked a flight to Melbourne to go home and be surrounded by the help of my family. It was support I needed more than anything at this point.
For me to be the mother I envisioned, it was important I was looking after my needs, too. Like many woman, I also struggled with the way my body now looked after pregnancy,
Each day I got better. I joined the local Banyule mothers group, started attending mums and bubs Pilates classes and I finally started to feel like a capable young mum. I felt confident in knowing what my baby needed and I eventually went on to thrive as a mother.
Baby Tyler, 3 months old
Now my son is 12 years old and I am proud to say I’ve done a great job raising the sweet caring boy he is. Over the 12 years, we moved from Darwin to Melbourne, I separated from his father, and went on to to raise my son as a single mother. I had a career change and studied to get my Fitness & Pilates qualifications. I started my business and went on to open my first Pilates & fitness studio in 2011, meeting the man of my dreams in the process.
12 years later….
What feels like a lifetime later and living a whole different world, I fell pregnant with my now husband Kris, another beautiful surprise but at aged 33 and much wiser, I felt more confident.
The shock and denial wasn’t as bad as my first pregnancy. This time around it was more ‘how will I juggle running a business and raising a baby again?’
I remembered the post natal depression from twelve years earlier and I knew the triggers for me had been a labour I wasn’t supported in, the care providers that weren’t right for me, a lack of connection to my body, and that my postnatal support wasn’t there.
It was not going to be like that this time around, I knew knowledge was power and so I began to read. I educated myself on everything around natural births. I had the privilege of being at my sister’s home births over the years. Watching her strength and intuition bring her babies earthside was a magical experience. I am forever grateful I was able to witness such special moments.
Feeling empowered about what I hoped for this time around, I took a holistic approach to aim for a natural birth and listen to my body's needs along the way. I went on to learn about hypnobirthing and found the mind-body connection to birth fascinating. I knew this was how I wanted to experience the labour. So much about hypnobirthing aligned with my love of the Pilates principles, too.
I read everything I could find on the effects opioids (drugs) had on the baby and the effects of epidurals on newborns. Particularly on the troubles it could lead to in breastfeeding. So, it wasn’t just that I had a ‘difficult baby,’ like the lactation consultant had me believe and made me feel like I was failing as a mother.
After all I have read, I truly believe it was the effects of the birth drugs that delayed my milk, leading to engorged breasts and my baby struggling to feed. It became a snowball effect which triggered my postnatal depression the first time around.
So, I decided I wanted to learn all I could to empower myself to have the best, and of course, safest birth possible.
Instead of booking with an OB this time, I booked myself into the Midwifery Group Practice (MGP) program at the Mercy Hospital. Here I was supported by like-minded women that were on a mission to help me bring my baby into the world in the way I hoped to. They cared for me and my values throughout the process.
My entire pregnancy was different. Yes, I was older, wiser, healthier and more active, but having the right support and guidance from the start was invaluable.
The COVID-19 pandemic was definitely an unusual and challenging time to be pregnant! My husband wasn’t able to attend any scans of our baby, and the midwife appointments were mostly over the phone until 30 weeks. This was a hard time, but it gave me even more reason to take my pregnancy into my own hands and educate myself on all I needed to know. I considered having a home birth as the hospitals continued to bring in strict restrictions but I didn’t feel overly confident enough yet to go down that path, and it scared my husband being his first baby.
At my 36 week face to face check up, we discovered my baby was in a frank breech position (bum first), the midwife was hopeful the baby would turn itself by 38 weeks but no luck. I did all I could to try to get baby to turn; acupuncture, Chinese herbs, spinning babies program - literally everything!
At my 38 week check-up, the midwife explained I would have to have a caesarean if the baby didn’t turn, as the hospitals wouldn’t allow a breech birth. So I went on to try to find an Obstetrician that would allow me to deliver my baby naturally while breech.I found very few OB’s are experienced in breech births and many suggested c-section. There was one, Dr Lionel Steinberg - known as “Vaginal Lionel” haha! - but I wasn’t able to get in with him.
My mother delivered me breech AND at home as I came in a hurry, so this baby was taking after its mum so far! My baby’s safety was the most important factor, however, I just held onto hope that bub would still turn
After two attempts at an ECV, a procedure to move a breech baby, bub finally turned! The joyous moment was filled with happy tears. I could bring my baby earthside the way I had hoped and worked hard for.
Now it was the waiting game, my pregnancy reached 40 weeks and then 41 weeks and still no baby. The hospital was suggesting I get induced. But I really wanted to go into labour naturally as there was no medical reason for intervention. Allowing my body to start the process when it was truly ready was important to me, so we continued to wait.
I had acupuncture every second day, I walked every day, practised visualisation techniques and spoke to my baby often. 41 weeks and 6 days later, I was on a walk to our local coffee shop with my family when my waters broke!! I cried with excitement, my baby was finally ready. It was time! I had been looking forward to this day for 9 months.
We chose to labour at home for a few hours until the contractions became only 1 minute apart. At 1pm, we arrived at the hospital greeted by our midwife and went to the birth suite.
I continued to labour in the bath then once transition started I moved to our birth room. We worked through all the active labour positions and using my Pilates breathing with every contraction not long later, our beautiful baby boy Billie was born at 4:50pm 24th September 2020 weighing a whopping 4.4kg
It was the most amazing moment of my life, having such an active role in my labour and feeling in control of my body made me feel so proud of what I’d accomplished.
Bonding with Billie
My husband Kris was my anchor, holding me through every contraction and pressing the button on my TENS machine every time he could hear my breathing increase, knowing a surge was coming. He was a beautiful birth companion and I couldn’t have achieved such a magical labour experience without him. It sure was a workout for him too, having to hold me through each contraction!
“It’s a boy!” they told us, and oh, he was simply divine.
The midwife said, “Wow, he’s so alert!” - these big eyes studying us like he’d been here before. He latched onto my breast so well and feeding was much easier.
I felt great, and as my labour was straightforward, I opted to discharge the hospital six hours later.
Some might find this crazy but the midwives said I was good to do so and with Covid restrictions in place, my husband was not allowed to stay with us, and my son Tyler was not allowed to visit, so I chose to recover at home and be with my family.
Arriving home with our tiny human, I was on cloud nine, the love surrounding me was so strong. We received so many deliveries of sweet gifts and meals. Although we were still in stage 4 restrictions in Melbourne, I felt the love from all our family, friends and clients.
Precious Moments
There certainly were some silver linings having a bub during a pandemic, as the first few weeks we just bonded as a family and I focussed on the tasks of motherhood again, with all my time spent just feeding and falling in love with our baby boy.
Now that my baby was earthside, it was time for my recovery to make sure I didn’t face postnatal depression and that my husband didn’t either.
During my pregnancy, I had read about the ‘Golden Month’ which is a holistic approach towards postnatal care that amalgamates the best practices from different cultures throughout the world. The Golden month aims to debunk the anxiety-inducing myth of the perfect postpartum body. The concept focuses on a mother's long term wellbeing, looking at both mental and physical health.
My body image was a real challenge with my first pregnancy, as I gained 30kgs, and my second pregnancy gaining 23kgs, I knew I would need to be kind to myself and embrace my body for the amazing task it had accomplished, rather than looking at myself in the mirror with discontentment for how I looked.
After working with many postpartum mothers at our Pilates studio over the years, I’ve noticed too often women feel challenged to expect too much of themselves when they most need care, love and attention during this crucial time.
The postnatal (aka postpartum) is a unique period of transition in a woman’s life. In just a few weeks, as she recovers her strength and learns to mother her newborn baby, a woman’s body and mind undergo changes of unparalleled intensity. She enters a rite of passage which literally changes who she is, and learns many things about herself in the process. Good care in the 6 weeks postpartum is crucial to the mother's health and wellbeing, and can have lasting benefits, not only to her health and relationship with her newborn, but also to her family and community.
My priority was to work on the concept of the golden month. Taking care of myself allowed me to be fully present and there for my new baby. The support that surrounded me this time was amazing and I am forever grateful for every friend and family member that brought us food over the 4 weeks postpartum. My sister had organised a meal roster where over the 4 weeks, friends and family put their names down to deliver food to our door. This simple gift was so helpful and allowed my family to enjoy the first few weeks besotted with our baby and adjusting to the tasks of having a newborn in our home.
For any mum with a newborn you will agree, it is so hard to find the time to make dinner for your family. Simply having lunch is such a task! So now, I always bring new families food, not just gifts!
This time around, my recovery was much quicker, my milk came in within days and my breasts did not get engorged. My baby had no trouble feeding and I really noticed a big difference between my two birth experiences. My first pregnancy and birth was full of medical intervention and the second pregnancy I turned to my natural instincts.
Baby Viva, darling little Billie
Now just 6 weeks postpartum I am happy, my baby is happy and so is our little family.
Every mother has a beautiful story of how they brought their baby into the world and even if your birth didn’t go as you hoped, you still grew a perfect tiny human and nourished them into their new world.
You’re amazing!
Many mums experience pre and postnatal depression in all different forms and with different triggers. I hope my story can help an expecting mother on her journey to empower yourself to care, nurture and protect yourself against pre and post natal depression.
You have a right to be the mother you dreamt of and your baby deserves it, too.
Xx Karen
Mother of Tyler & Billie